Doing the job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment.

If a man speaks in the forest, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

A little bit of love goes a long way in our lives. It can provide us with higher highs and lower lows. But, if it comes with a persistent burning sensation, see your physician.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be, but I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners.

Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.