You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bed-ridden for weeks?

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.