When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.

The difference between the Pope and your boss....The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

Thank You For Pot Smoking!!

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.