My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.

Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.

Thank You For Pot Smoking!!

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying 'No Hard Feelings'

The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.

Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.