I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms.

When a man steals your wife,there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

The most embarrassing thing you can do as a school child is to call your teacher Mum or Dad.

And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."

My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.

Make love, not war. Hell, do both: get married!

I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be, but I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners.