Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses...He drinks straight out of the bottle.

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

Make love, not war. Hell, do both: get married!

My wife says I never listen to her...at least I think that's what she said.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.