If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

Why is it that banks always make it sound like you are so lucky that they have extended your credit limit? I mean it's not like I won a prize, but more like extra bullets for my gun in a game of Russian Rolette...

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

A bad day of fishing is still better than a good day of work..!!!

Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.