In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains!

Red meat is not bad for you, but fuzzy green meat is.

'Hard work never killed anybody', but why take the risk...

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Stupidity is like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil. But you still don't want to get any on you.

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.