Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you... Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.

When something good happens, you drink in order to celebrate, when something bad happens, you drink in order to forget, and when nothing happens, you drink in order to make something happen!

Having someone dump you and say "We can still be friends" Is like having your mom say "Your dog died but you can still keep it"

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Light travels faster than sound. This why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.