It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.

I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.

When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably consider dating outside the family.

You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.