I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.

I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings ...... they did it by killing all those who opposed them.