It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name...

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

I had a blind date last night. Her name was :. .:: :.: .:. .::.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for $10.00 at the bowling alley.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance.

No one is listening until you fart.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.