By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.

Ham and eggs: Just a day's work for a chicken, but a lifetime commitment for a pig.

One should love animals. They are so tasty.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (Makes sense)

There's an inverse proportion between your stress quantity and your boss' hours in the office.

When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.