Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........

The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

My wife says I never listen to her...at least I think that's what she said.

Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn