I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."

If at first you don't succeed shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?