The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

My friend is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back.

A flat will occur when you are without a spare. This will happen after your significant other has reminded you to get one. He/She will be in the car.

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'

Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a frisbee.

What are the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home.