Woman are like Prawns. Their heads are full of shit, but their pink parts are quite awesome.

Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you... Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.

Drinking more than seven nights a week is not just irresponsible, it's impossible.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left!

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. Unless, of course, they're flying.

I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!