The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

Smoking helps you lose weight .. one lung at a time!

Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

A penny saved is a government oversight.

Everything of importance has been said before by somebody who did not discover it.

A smoking section in a restaraunt is like a peeing section in a pool.

To all you virgins - thanks for nothing.

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.