It's better to have Loved and Lost than to live with an asshole the rest of your life!

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I don't have a license to kill but I do have a learner's permit.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

No one is listening until you break wind.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.