The difference between the Pope and your boss....The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

Everything of importance has been said before by somebody who did not discover it.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.

How hungry was the first person who opened an oyster and STILL ate it?

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (Makes sense)

Having someone dump you and say "We can still be friends" Is like having your mom say "Your dog died but you can still keep it"

Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either.