The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

On quiet nights when I'm alone, I like to run my wedding Video backwards just to watch myself walk out of church a free person!

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying 'No Hard Feelings'

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.