Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know So.. why learn.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Men: On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.

I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?