No one is listening until you fart.
NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you suppose they know that we don't?
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
An optimist invented the aeroplane, a pessimist invented the parachute.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot
Flashlight: a case for holding dead batteries.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.