Why is it that banks always make it sound like you are so lucky that they have extended your credit limit? I mean it's not like I won a prize, but more like extra bullets for my gun in a game of Russian Rolette...

Genetic scientists in the US have used genes from Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzanegger to create a clone and have called it ... Michael Wasanigger.

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

God created cats so that men could learn to understand women.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.