I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.

Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"

I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.

People who don't drive, slam car doors too hard.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again!

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.