In the '60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

Anyone know the Capital of Bulemia?

And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

My friend is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back.

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bed-ridden for weeks?

Ever notice how at the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying.

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?