Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?