I am the same today as I was tomorrow.
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!!
A flat will occur when you are without a spare. This will happen after your significant other has reminded you to get one. He/She will be in the car.
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.