Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

There's an inverse proportion between your stress quantity and your boss' hours in the office.

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

The difference between the Pope and your boss....The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.

I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.