Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

An optimist invented the aeroplane, a pessimist invented the parachute.

What's another word for thesaurus?

What are the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home.

Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying 'No Hard Feelings'