Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
God created cats so that men could learn to understand women.
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Definition of pressure:.....A wife, a mistress and a mortgage all a month late.
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just "chunky dunk."