Some people kiss with their eyes closed. Too bad they marry the same way.
Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
Food has replaced sex in my life .. now I can't even get into my own pants!
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
The speed of time is one-second per second.
You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, I could be eating a slow learner.