Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

  • The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

  • You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

  • I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.

  • Doing the job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

  • You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

  • Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.

  • Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

  • Some people are like Slinkies. . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

  • There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an aeroplane: Either you have diarrhoea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.