Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.
Genetic scientists in the US have used genes from Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzanegger to create a clone and have called it ... Michael Wasanigger.
A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times more memory!
If you have them by their balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
What three words will kill a mans ego? 'Is it in?'
The light at the end of the tunnel is the normally the headlight of the oncoming train.