Beer - helping white people dance since 1837.

I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere!

I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.

If women DON'T fool around, and men DO fool around, who are the men fooling around with?

The difference between the Pope and your boss....The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

Always look on the negative side, so you'll never be dissapointed.

Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.