Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts!

I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

There are two kinds of pedestrians- the quick and the dead.

What's another word for thesaurus?

Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you... Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

Some people kiss with their eyes closed. Too bad they marry the same way.