Your future depends on your dreams, So go to sleep!

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

This job is only a test had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, bonuses and promotions.

The speed of time is one-second per second.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

Food has replaced sex in my life .. now I can't even get into my own pants!

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?