A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

Having someone dump you and say "We can still be friends" Is like having your mom say "Your dog died but you can still keep it"

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

The light at the end of the tunnel is the normally the headlight of the oncoming train.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!