College is like a woman: You work so hard to get in, and nine months later, you wish you had not come.

Your future depends on your dreams, So go to sleep!

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

Why isn't there a special name for the back of your knee?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL convertible.

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

Why do women never say what they want or mean because they always expect men to innately know what they are thinking? Do they think men are psychic?

The speed of time is one-second per second.