People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying 'No Hard Feelings'

Cat: The Other White Meat

Remember "I" before "E", except in Heineken.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Fine day for a good workout. Let's steal something heavy.

If Tennis Players get Tennis Elbow...Do gynecologists get Tunnel vision?

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?