According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen fatty....do it and die."
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings ...... they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.