When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
My wife is so ugly... A cannibal took one look at her and ordered salad.
You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL"
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
The difference between the Pope and your boss....The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Bricks are horrible to carry.