Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them. Personally, I think that if you can hear them whining, you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying 'No Hard Feelings'
By the time a man's wife learns to understand him, she has usually stopped listening to him.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat, though.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
Food has replaced sex in my life .. now I can't even get into my own pants!
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.