Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • An optimist invented the aeroplane, a pessimist invented the parachute.

  • A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the pants.

  • There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

  • If at first you don't succeed shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?

  • A bachelor is a man who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

  • The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

  • Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

  • I just new I was in big trouble at work when the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.

  • This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.

Meanwhile in Ukraine

A police office in Ukraine pulls over a drunk motorist in a bath tub