A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times more memory!
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...