Why doesn't toothpaste ever go rotten?
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
Bricks are horrible to carry.
Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect...... so why practice?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.