If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat, though.
If Life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks. Then when Life isn't looking, give him a quick knee to the groin. That'll teach him.
Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.
Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
See, the problem is that God gives man a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.