Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts!
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
I'm just another chicken having fun on the Rotisserie of life.
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now!
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
My wife says I never listen to her...at least I think that's what she said.