I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'
A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.
Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the Universe are pointed away from Earth?
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it!
When kleptomania gets really bad, just take something for it.
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.
I am the same today as I was tomorrow.