I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the normally the headlight of the oncoming train.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime. Give a kid a fish, it's gonna die. Have a story ready.
If at first you don't succeed shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather -- who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Beer - helping white people dance since 1837.
I date this girl for two years, and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Smoking helps you lose weight .. one lung at a time!