A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.
Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the Universe are pointed away from Earth?
By the time a man's wife learns to understand him, she has usually stopped listening to him.
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague
I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
I'm just another chicken having fun on the Rotisserie of life.