I date this girl for two years, and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and mental illness.
Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing; just show me somebody naked.'