A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
Build a fire for a man, and keep him warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life.
When a man steals your wife,there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just "chunky dunk."
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.