I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.