There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL convertible.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the normally the headlight of the oncoming train.