Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be, but I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners.

Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been doing since 15

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"

Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich!

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.

Anyone know the Capital of Bulemia?

Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.