Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment.