Light travels faster than sound. This why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming----wow----what a ride!!

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

If a man speaks in the forest, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My goodness, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings ...... they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.