I'm not a snob. I'm just genuinely better than you are.

Genetic scientists in the US have used genes from Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzanegger to create a clone and have called it ... Michael Wasanigger.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them. Personally, I think that if you can hear them whining, you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.

It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.