By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

An erection does not constitute personal growth

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Make love, not war. Hell, do both: get married!

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL"

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight.

I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...