BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you... Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'

One should love animals. They are so tasty.

There's an inverse proportion between your stress quantity and your boss' hours in the office.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left!