Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for life.

'Work fascinates me', I can look at it for hours.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.. Then we met.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I'm a freelance gynaecologist

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.