It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains!

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.