Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Why doesn't toothpaste ever go rotten?

Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

No woman will ever be satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that shoots out money.