Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL convertible.

Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!