We cannot see the future. We cannot change the past. We can only live in the now with an eye towards gaining enough power in the future to wreak revenge on the son-of-a-bitch who screwed us in the past.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
On quiet nights when I'm alone, I like to run my wedding Video backwards just to watch myself walk out of church a free person!
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'
No one is listening until you fart.